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Monstrous Agonies E101S03 Transcript
[Title music: slow, bluesy jazz.]
H.R. Owen
Monstrous Agonies: Episode One Hundred and One.
[The music fades out, replaced by the sound of a radio being tuned. It scrolls through classical music, a voice saying “-this is how it starts-”, a voice saying “-sorry-” and pop music before cutting off abruptly as it reaches the correct station.]
The Presenter
-sure the sentient shadows that dog his every step will have something to say about that.
Next tonight, I’m answering listeners’ questions in our weekly advice segment. First up, a younger listener dealing with some difficult behaviour at school.
The Presenter (as First Letter Writer)
So, you got a letter from my mum a few weeks ago. [laughs softly] I know it was about me. I heard it. I was up one night while she was out and I listened to your broadcast. Usually do when she’s at work, it… [sighs] makes me feel close to her.
Even though you don’t say names I knew it was her asking about me. God, I feel like such an idiot now. She’s got completely the wrong end of the stick!
So, Lyla, if you’re hearing this, please switch off the radio. I’m fine, it’s nothing to do with my turning, and I am handling it, OK? Just… [sighs] turn it off.
OK. I’m just going to assume she’s gone now, since that would be the responsible and respectful thing to do, Mum! [pause]
Right. [clears throat] Sorry for the faff. It’s just, she’d make a fuss! And besides, don’t want to get in trouble at school for siccing my mum onto my bullies. Because, that’s it. Like I said, she’s misunderstood the whole thing! I’m fine being a lycanthrope.
My turning was horrible but I’m getting on with things. I’m in physical therapy, and I know Mum’s talking about getting me a counsellor which... whatever.
After I was turned, I transferred to a creature school instead of the mixed genus school I was in before. It’s actually nicer there, I like it. I’ve made friends, my grades are better, my boyfriend is really sweet.
That’s also where my problem began. Because I caught myself a bully.
I’ll be minding my own business, on my way to liminal history class, and I’ll hear her talons clack, clack, clack down the corridor, coming towards me, ready to make some dumb joke about my genus.
Lately it’s been trying to get me to play fetch. Like nobody’s ever made that joke to a lycanthrope before. Gods, I hate her stupid little beak! I have to hold myself back from ripping her to shreds.
I don’t even know why she bullies me. I just seem to be her favourite victim! The only thing I’ve managed to gather about the situation is that she used to have a crush on my boyfriend when she was a hatchling. And like, okay? He’s still gay. He’s still my boyfriend.
I’ve tried talking to her. I’ve tried telling her to back off. I’ve threatened to get teachers involved if she doesn’t stop. What else can I do? Because I swear I’m just about ready to rip her to feathery pieces the next time she tries something.
The Presenter (as themselves)
Unfortunately, listener, you’re right in thinking that violence is not the answer here. It is sorely tempting, I know, but at your age and in a school environment, I’m afraid it simply can’t be done.
You say you aren’t sure why she’s bullying you. I want to be very clear about this: is not your job to worry about why. Self-esteem issues or a disruptive home life are explanations for why someone might bully others. They are not excuses.
This girl has adults in her life responsible for taking care of her. It’s their job to handle the underlying causes for this behaviour. You only need to concern yourself with the behaviour itself and how it impacts you.
Firstly, you need to follow through on your threats to tell your teachers what’s going on. This girl has continued to pick on you because she feels empowered to do so. She thinks she’s got away with it. Show her she’s wrong.
Resist the temptation to downplay these incidents when you report them. Your teachers need to understand the severity of the situation – that you are being targeted repeatedly with genus-specific abuse.
I’m sorry to say that I also think you ought to tell your mother what’s happening. I hear your concern that her reaction might be... disproportionate. And if you really don’t want to tell her, you don’t have to.
But she might be able to offer you some much-needed support and allyship, both at home, by supporting you emotionally, and at school, by acting as an advocate on your behalf.
You’ve expressed yourself very well in your letter. I feel sure that, if you do decide to tell your mother, you’ll be able to make it clear to her what your expectations and boundaries are regarding her behaviour.
Otherwise, and I know this is easier said that done, but please, try not to let this childish behaviour get to you. Concentrate on spending time with your friends and your boyfriend, and enjoying your classes.
Let the adults responsible for looking after your bully do their job, and let the adults responsible for looking after you do theirs – including your mum.
As an aside, if we keep getting letters from school-aged listeners, I am definitely going to have to look into establishing some sort of “listen again” feature. This segment is on far too late for anyone to be listening live on a school night.
[Background music begins: An acoustic guitar playing a blues riff]
The Presenter
Brought to you by Etherealitea, spectral beverages for the discerning palate. Our Lords & Ladies blend brings the elegance of court life to your home, or try our new Baneberry Brew to settle yourself to sleep. Etherealitea – boo yourself a cup! Proud members of the Nightfolk Network.
[End background music]
The Presenter
Our next letter asks how to navigate some complicated self-expression.
The Presenter (as Second Letter Writer)
It’s funny, isn’t it, how much emphasis we place on being yourself. It’s like this little mantra we trot out for everything from first day at school to first dates. Don’t worry, just be yourself! [laughs]
You’ve said it on this programme. Live life by your own lights. Even Shakespeare got a look-in – to thine own self be true. It’s a nice idea. But it does rather assume you have a self to be true to.
I don’t experience the world like that. I don’t have a unitary sense of self. I have several selves, all knocking knees together.
First up, I’m somatically non-stable. I can take the form of pretty much any living creature, though invertebrates can be a little tricky. Unlike some shifter genuses, mine doesn’t have a base form. There’s no “real” self to go back to. I have certain preferences, but really, anything’s game.
I also don’t experience the unitary self in my own mind. I – the person writing this letter – am part of a plural system. Put simply, that means that we experience ourselves as having several distinct identities, all sharing the same body or head-space.
Our system specifically has Dissociative Identity Disorder, but other people experience multiplicity for all sorts of reasons.
They might be from a multiple identity genus, or experience multiplicity as part of their gender identity. Or they might be host to another’s spirit or channelling another’s consciousness – or perhaps they just have a brain slug. Any number of things. In contrast to all that, DID is pretty mundane!
So, my question is about that spot in the middle where we sit – slap bang at the centre of the cross-roads between the creature community and the DID community. You see, not all of my headmates – that is, the other people who share this body – are of the same genus.
Being somatically non-stable, we can shift our body to match our identity. You can imagine how uncomfortable it can be to be stuck in a body that doesn’t match who you are on the inside.
Except one of us was told recently that that’s disrespectful. That it’s not alright for us to change so we look like another genus. That it’s... offensive. Like wearing their culture as a costume.
It doesn’t feel like a costume. No more than shifting into a male form when a male identity is fronting, and into a female form when a female identity is fronting. It feels... Well, it feels like we’re being ourself.
Is it wrong for us to change our body in this way? What should we do about people who take offence at our identities having different genuses? How can we be true to ourselves, and not step on anybody else’s toes?
The Presenter (as themselves)
Thank you for getting in touch, listeners. It’s always good to remember that the creature community exists at several different crossroads with other identities, and to explore how we navigate those meeting points with dignity and respect to all involved.
The issue here isn’t your shifting per se. Rather, we need to consider the external power dynamics of genus and identity. After all, one’s genus does not mean the same thing to all people.
Some genuses have intense social and cultural ties, to the point where it is hard to imagine calling oneself a member without claiming that cultural heritage. For others, genus is simply a way of expressing something about one’s body, or one’s abilities.
Our earlier letter tonight mentioned lycanthropy, for example. It is perfectly acceptable for our young listener to refer to himself as a lycanthrope. That is the correct term for his particular kind of somatic variance
Underneath that umbrella, though, there are several lycanthropic communities to which he may or may not belong, depending on matters entirely beyond his physiology.
Calling oneself a werewolf specifically invokes a cultural heritage that is quite distinct and different from identifying as versipelli or wulver, for example.
The question of whether or not it’s offensive for different members of your system to present as different genuses lies in whether those genuses have this strong cultural connection or not – and, if they do, whether members of the same system can reasonably be said to have different cultural backgrounds.
That, I’m afraid, is a far, far bigger question than I can answer in, uh... three more minutes of airtime? [laughs] I recommend exploring the topic yourself, and with others in the plural community.
I don’t think you’ll get a single, simple answer but the conversation itself will be very worthwhile. At the end of the day, this is a decision you will have to make for yourselves.
However, it is worth repeating that, as you say, you aren’t donning a costume when you shift. You’re expressing a genuine and distinct identity, and shaping your body to present more authentically to the world. And I must confess, I find it very difficult to see my way to finding offence in that.
[Background music begins: An acoustic guitar playing a blues riff]
The Presenter
The Nightfolk Network – the voice of liminal Britain.
[End of background music]
The Presenter
That’s all for our advice segment. Now, we’ve all heard of Blackbeard and Anne Bonny – but what about their liminal counterparts? We explore the magic, mystery and many, many tentacles surrounding creatures who sailed the seven seas during the Golden Age of piracy...
[Speech fades into static as the radio is retuned. It scrolls through indecipherable speech, pop music, a voice saying “-and I hate the noise-”, Irish trad music and piano music before fading out.
Title music: slow, bluesy jazz. It plays throughout the closing credits.]
H.R. Owen
Episode One Hundred and One of Monstrous Agonies was written and performed by H.R. Owen.
Tonight's first letter was submitted by Tinytonimeloni, the second letter was from The Menagerie, and this week's advert was based on a suggestion by Bren. Thanks, friends.
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This podcast is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. The theme tune is Dakota by Unheard Music Concepts.
Thanks for listening, and remember – the real monsters are the friends we made on the way.
[Fade to silence]
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