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Season Three Q&A - Part Two

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Monstrous Agonies Season 3 Q&A Part Two Transcript

[Title music: slow, bluesy jazz. It fades out as Hero starts speaking.]

Hero: Hello, friends and welcome to the second part of the Season Three Q&A. Once again, I was answering your questions with Sophie B., who plays the Understudy and we were not recording under strict studio conditions, so please interpret this sound quality generously. Now let's pick up where we left off.

Sophie: So that's, actually, kind of perfectly leads into Alex's question. And she asks, "What are you going to miss most about the show? And also what are you going to miss least about the show?"

Hero: I'm gonna miss, um. Writing it the least.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: [laughs] Um, no. Ehhh, no, actually, yeah. That's true. I was--

Sophie: Yeah, the sort of the We--

Hero: I was joking, but that's not--

Sophie: The Wednesday afternoon scramblies when our group chat just becomes like, absolutely inundated with you going "I've got to write the podcast. Gotta write the [bleep]-ing podcast. What the [bleep] is a joke? What's--what's funny? Tell me what's funny!" [laughs] So what's going to be the thing you miss most?

Hero: Getting submissions.

Sophie: I was about--I knew--I could've put money on that!

Hero: Yeahhh. I love it.

Sophie: The delight that you come into the--into the--"Listen to this! Someone said this – isn't this so clever?"

Hero: "Somebody said this and it's amazing!" "Somebody was just like, hey! What does it mean to be a person? And at what point does a shapeshifter be a different person than the person they were before?" And I'm like, I don't know!

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: That's brilliant! You know? Or, "What if you wrote one in Middle English?" I'm like yeah, okay! Sure! Why not!

Sophie: So RadicalReliableRandomness--

Hero: Triple threat!

Sophie: The triple threat. So obviously we kind of talked a little bit about how you feel finishing Monstrous Agonies in general, but how do you feel about finishing a project that positively affected a lot of people? And I think that kind of ties in as well with Ella who wants to know about, what do you think the greatest real world impact of this show that you made was.

Sophie: [laughs]he greatest real world impact of Monstrous Agonies is um... my friend Emma put the--the show on while she was getting ready to go out, and was on her way to the door when the letter started-- [skeleton voice] "It's not easy being a skellington!"


Hero: And Emma laughed so hard and so suddenly, she very nearly fell down the stairs and died. [laughs] So I think actually the greatest real world impact of Monstrous Agonies is giving one lady in East Belfast a brief vision of her own mortality. [laughs] And also the subsequent branching universes in which she did, indeed, cowp down the stairs because of a talking skeleton, and perish.

Sophie: See, I thought. [laughs] I thought you were going to say "It's that award that I won that time." [laughs]

Hero: Oh, no. No, I think nearly murdering one of my best friends with a silly skellington voice is probably up there. Yeah. Uhhh, I... when I go to the bit of my brain that is processing how other people feel about Monstrous Agonies, I--I get a kind of like, page not found message.

Sophie: Yes. Yeah, you will--you will have to excuse them, listeners. Obviously all of you are having your own emotional reactions to the end of Monstrous Agonies. Um, Hero is... uhhh.

Hero: Fine.

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: I'm fine.

Sophie: Blue--blue screening a little bit about it?

Hero: I'm doing fine. [laughs]

Sophie: And I had to tell them off the other day, literally as we've already mentioned it was only two days after finishing the podcast when they started needing to do other work again. But the day after the last episode was released and they were still in their feelings, they were attempting to answer messages and reply to all of these things that you guys were saying, which is wonderful, but they were not leaving enough space to feel their own feelings about this thing ending.

Hero: Mmm. And I'm also--I'm not--I'm not good at knowing what I'm feeling at the best of times.

Sophie: No, you--you--

Hero: You know?

Sophie: Yeah. Yeah, your internal emotional compass is just constantly spinning, and sometimes that little pointer on the compass just turns into spaghetti. [laughs] Flopping around.

Hero: It's just spaghetti! It's just spaghetti in here. This is beans in here! [laughs] So yeah, how am I feeling? I'm feeling--I'm feeling like this is beans in here.

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: I don't know. Eh. Let's find out. I'll make something, and then everyone can be like "Wow, it seems like you're processing some feelings." I'll be like, is it?! Huh! Hm. I suppose so. [both laugh]

Sophie: So yeah. I think... obviously the kind of podcast that this is, on both sides, from the creator and the listener side, there's a lot of big emotional things going on. And so naturally, it makes sense that a couple of people sent in questions here asking about how personal are the letters? Obviously people have submitted to you what are quite personal problems and things, and you've--I know there's been a couple of times you've come to me and gone "Ooh, I think this person's really looking for advice and what do I dooo!" So kind of, you know, there's a lot of ways in which it's--how do you keep up the balance between A: making sure that you don't fall into the Zootopia trap, as we mentioned earlier.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Also not bogging yourself down and worrying about whether or not someone's actually going to follow this advice that you're giving. Like sort of translate it to a--a--and is there any letter that you've used as a kind of way to work through any personal issues, I suppose.

Hero: Okay. You're gonna have to remind me of some of this question.

Sophie: That's all right. We'll go back through. So start with, is there any letter you've used.

Hero: Okay.

Sophie: As like a personal conduit for an issue you want to talk through with yourself.

Hero: So I think kind of hilariously, given where we left off talking about how I don't know what I'm feeling at any given time, um. I have very, very, very, very rarely intentionally put my own emotional experiences into a letter.

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: Um, and if I have, it's been so far removed and so monsterised, basically, that it's--it's there. And I know it's there, but it's usually something that I feel kind of okay about by now. I'm just drawing on--on past experiences or something. Um. I'm not someone who writes for therapy, and if I do write something to be therapeutic, like, I keep it to myself.

Sophie: Yes.

Hero: I'm not someone who publishes my therapy. [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: I just--I don't feel comfortable with that. Um. But. [laughs] I have had--several times I've been writing something that has--not even writing--but got to the point of recording and realized mid-recording session that I was talking to myself. [both laugh] About my own problems.

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: And I--I think one of the really funny ones of that was um. There was somebody and they had been recently turned, and they were worried that they were just copying their friend who had also been turned recently. Um, and the response was pretty kind of standard of like. "Hey, it's fine to copy your friends when you see that they're happy. That's normal."

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: "It's okay to want to want to be a monster. Chill." Um, but the letter itself, I remember it being a little short. I don't think it was--I think it was a full letter, but I think it needed a bit of padding. But one of the bits of padding that I put in was just to say like--they'd only been turned like three weeks ago? And they were just feeling kind of weird about it because like, was that the right decision? And--and is that--is it all right for them to do that? And--and how do they know that it's the right choice for them? And I realized mid-sentence, mid-recording session, that I was bang on three weeks on T. [both laugh]

Sophie: Wow. Who could've foreseen that coming?

Hero: Yeah. [laughs] Not me! I don't know [bleep]! Um. And so, ehhh yeah. I don't--I don't do it on purpose, but I--I can't. I don't think you can help but put yourself into things.

Sophie: No, definitely not. And I think, you know, the... uh. [laughs] The... again, the very, very last episode with the Presenter through their gritted teeth, presuming they have teeth.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: We did actually--no, we have--we have said they have teeth. We've talked about this before.

Hero: Have we?

Sophie: Yeah, I think we talked about it in the last Q&A.

Hero: They sneeze.

Sophie: They sneeze, and I think there's some mention of them eating something? So we were like, so they must have teeth. I'm sure we've talked about this.

Hero: [considering noise]

Sophie: Although maybe we talked about it, and I was like oh wait no, that was in one of the fanned fictions. Anyway. Gritted teeth, them going [through gritted teeth] "It is an act of kindness." And you know, sort of agreeing to take a break. I think um, for reasons that hopefully if you've been listening to this Q&A properly should become obvious: Hero's not very good at doing that. So I think that felt like--listening to that was like ah, deja vu. It felt like several conversations that I, and several of our friends, have had with you over the last few years. Just going, hey. Maybe--

Hero: Yeahhh.

Sophie: Just slow down a bit. Just calm. Calm down.

Hero: Well, I--I remember, like. Either the first or second Q&A, you said something about the Presenter being like me in that respect.

Sophie: Yeah! Absolutely!

Hero: And I was like, what?! [both laugh]

Sophie: Me? In my podcast?

Hero: [high-pitched] What?!

Sophie: It's more likely than you think.

Hero: [sarcastic grumbling] Seems unlikely. [regular voice] So I think--I think the answer is uh, what's the most personal letter? You'd have to ask everybody else who knows me. 'Cause I don't know. [laughs]

Sophie: No. So that brings us to the other point of the very long question that I started you off with here, which is an amalgamation of several questions, which is basically, you know, considering some people do put a lot of themselves into these letters, and then you have to write advice from the perspective of this occasionally all-knowing, sometimes a little bit wrong, Presenter who gives this advice that is, for the most part, very, very good advice. Does that ever make you a bit worried about what you're writing in terms of responsibility, if someone were to extrapolate real life advice from what you're saying.

Hero: Mmm.

Sophie: Has that ever given you pause or made you a little bit unsure?

Hero: Umm... it used to more. It doesn't so much now. Um. I think 'cause I've just reached a point of like... that's not really my job? [laughs]

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: Like. Like at the end of the day, I'm not making an advice show. I'm making a fantasy show.

Sophie: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hero: Like, there's--this is werewolves. This is, you know--

Sophie: Yes, hello, this is werewolves.

Hero: This is werewolves! [laughs] "Hello, this is werewolves." [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] this is... it's not real. And if somebody finds something inspiring or helpful in that, then that's great, but that's like me finding something inspiring and helpful ehhh, in a Diana Wynne Jones book. She's not writing it for that – she's writing… funny wizards or whatever.


Hero: I immediately forgot every Diana Wynne Jones book I've ever read? And was just like, what does she do?

Sophie: Funny wizards.

Hero: Funny wizards. [laughs] Just funny wizards. Um, I think I--I trust my audience quite a lot to know, uhh. Yeah, I mean…[spluttering] Quite a lot of the advice is to eat people!

Sophie: Yes. [laughs]

Hero: I can't be responsible for that! [laughs]

Sophie: Well, you are now. Like it or not, this is what you've done.

Hero: This is what I've done. Um. So no, no I don't. I don't think it is the--I think there is a responsibility involved in what we take from fiction, but I don't think it's on the part of the creator.

Sophie: No.

Hero: At the end of the day, I think it's on us as audience members and as--as readers to... read responsibly, kids. [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] Yeah, just gotta get some critical thinking in the chat. Just get some...

Hero: Yeah.

Sophie: Some media literacy.

Hero: Yeah. And if--if--if somebody isn't able to do that, that's not on me? That's the thing. Like, and--and I think overwhelmingly like, my interactions with listeners has been very, very clear that people are engaging with this critically and thoughtfully and--and as helpful and interesting fiction, not as, "Ah, I should go and eat someone!”

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Like. [laughs] You know, and then uh, the other side of it is--is--is part of the um.... I wanted to make something that was going to walk that line of being monstrous but also extremely domestic?

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: So like yes, some of the advice is eat people. Um, quite a lot of the advice is also like. Talk to Citizens Advice.

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: Go to a library. Ring a charity.

Sophie: Express your feelings to your partner.

Hero: Yeah. Say how you feel out loud to the person whose behaviour you're trying to influence! [both laugh] You know, so I don't--I don't really worry because either the advice is pretty meek and mild or very obviously silly. Um, and yeah. And at the end of the day, somebody applies the advice given to a Dracula... [laughs] facing discrimination from his estate agent.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: And tries to apply that to their own life and it goes badly? I don't think that's on me, man. [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] Yes. Well. At some point in the future, you might end up finding yourself being called to testify--

Hero: [laughs] And that's what I'll say! I'll say, "I don't think that's on me, man!" [both laugh] We got some questions for you, Sophie.

Sophie: [gasps]

Hero: Would you like me to ask the Sophie questions?

Sophie: Yeah, 'cause otherwise that's just going to be me talking to myself!

Hero: Yeah, and I'm just gonna be sitting here like, mmmm. Cool.

Sophie: I mean--that's--that's what I've been doing for most of this. [laughs]

Hero: Yeah, but that's your job. You're the Understudy. I'm the star. [both laugh] Nobody's tuning in to listen to you.

Sophie: It's true. Especially not this season when I didn't--

Hero: [groaning]

Sophie: --have an episode.

Hero: I knew--I knew you were going-- [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: So Sophie. RavingCactus asks, does the Understudy take extra baths when she wants to be on the radio? Do the baths make the Understudy extra teleportable? Does Station pay her for her work, or is it a magical internship?

Sophie: [laughs] So first of all, no, the Understudy doesn't take extra baths when she wants to be on the radio. The Understudy doesn't want to be on the radio. The Understudy just ends up being on the radio.

Hero: I feel like there's quite a lot of the Understudy's life where she wouldn't mind being on the radio, but it always happens--

Sophie: [simultaneously] When she's in the bath.

Hero: [simultaneously] When she's in the bath.

Sophie: Yeah, no exactly. Um, th--I think that the choice to make her in the bath was because throughout our friendship it's been--I mean, we both love a bath. But I love to spend a lot of time in the bath, and we--we started getting to know each other during lockdown proper and I spent quite a lot of lockdown proper in the bath because there wasn't anything else to do.

Hero: I think you were submerged for half of 2020.

Sophie: [laughs] Genuinely.

Hero: Fully six months!

Sophie: It's very surprising that I'm not currently a prune. So, um. It's not that she wants to be on the radio, therefore she takes a bath. It's she takes a bath, and the universe decides: it is time for you to be on the radio. So yeah, there's no--there's no teleporty powers. There's nothing going on there. It is literally just...

Hero: I also don't imagine--I don't imagine the Understudy getting teleported into the Station.

Sophie: No, it's just that suddenly--I always imagine it as like--I just suddenly--

Hero: A mic and a "Live on Air"--

Sophie: Yeah! [both laugh] Or just like one of those old-timey style--like, you know, the big circular-style mics--

Hero: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Sophie: --is suddenly just hanging down--

Hero: Yeah, absolutely!

Sophie: --in front of her mandibles. Um.

Hero: [giggles]

Sophie: Does Station pay her for her work? I can't imagine that that's--a thing that happens on the Nightfolk Network, no.

Hero: Wha--That she doesn't get paid? I think Station is a vastly more than living wage employer.

Sophie: Ohhh. That's interesting.

Hero: I don't think--I don't think the Nightfolk Network is fucking around with unpaid internships. [indignantly] Have you even listened to the damn show?!

Sophie: I'm not saying--I'm not saying--

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: --it's like an exploitative unpaid internship thing. I was thinking about it--

Hero: It's just one of those things where you get people to work and don't pay them!

Sophie: No! I was thinking about it like a sort of volunteer-type run thing.

Hero: I don't think the Presenter gets paid. I think everybody else does.

Sophie: Oh, all right. That's fair.

Hero: I think the Presenter is like, weirdly like. They're--they're--I don't know what the Presenter's deal is. Um. [laughs] Whatever they've got going on, it's weirder than a job. [both laugh] But I think--I think Mab and the Understudy have been hired, and, you know.

Sophie: I see, I see. But it's not--it's not an internship. I don't think the Understudy would appreciate being referred to as an intern.

Hero: The Understudy is grown.

Sophie: Yeah. No. It's not happening.

Hero: RadicalReliableRandomness – triple threat – says, "Can you let Sophie B tell us about Cats (2020), please?"

Sophie: [laughs] My darling Triple R. There is no Cats (2020). [laughs]

Hero: It's like the live-action Avatar.

Sophie: Mmm. Mm-hmm.

Hero: It just doesn't--

Sophie: Just doesn't exist.

Hero: --exist.

Sophie: There is no war in Ba Sing Se. It's Cats (2019), and there's also Cats (1998).

Hero: Oh! There really actually isn't a Cats (2020).

Sophie: No, there isn't. There isn't.

Hero: Oh. I thought we were doing a bit.

Sophie: I wasn't just being an absolute twat.

Hero: Oh, I was. [laughs]

Sophie:No, no, it's 2019. One of my favourite thing about that is Cats (2019) was genuinely quite a lot of people's last outing to the cinema before COVID happened [laughs].

Hero: Oooof… God.

Sophie: Um, which is incredible. Um. Yeah. Cats (2019) is an abomination, um, for different reasons than most other people think it's an abomination. My reasons are personal!

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Because Cats... Cats (1998)--my cousin and I talk about this quite a lot. He's--he's a few years older than me, but we're both only children raised sort of quite close to each other. And um, we were both really obsessed with Cats (1998) to the point where--and we're both very gay--and uh. For me it was almost impossible to imagine how anybody could become gay without having--seeing Cats (1998).

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: It's just--it's the root.

Hero: They watched Bartok the Magnificent instead.

Sophie: Ehhh [high-pitched considering noises]. You know, I mean...

Hero: No, I think Bartok gave me ADHD, not... [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] He personally turned up and was like, [Bartok voice] "Here ya go!"

Hero: With a ha! And a hi-ya! [both laugh]

Sophie: Um, but yeah, so. Cats (1998) is--is very important to me. There's that--there's that now very famous clip of um, Hal talking about when he was trying to figure out what the--what the plot was, and he was like "Andrew" --talking to Andrew Lloyd Webber, like-- "You know, you gotta--is it about Queen Victoria? Is it about colonialism? What's it about?" And Andrew Lloyd Webber just went, "Hal, it's about cats." [both laugh]

Hero: [laughs and sighs] Yeah…

Sophie: And you know what, it truly is. It is about cats.

Hero: I think that's pushing it, frankly. I don't think it's about anything.

Sophie: Well no, it's about cats doing a song contest to see who can get--

Hero: I'm not, I'm not, I'm not--

Sophie: --reincarnated.

Hero: I'm not. Nah. Uh-uh. No. Moving on.

Sophie: No, you have to because they asked! [laughs]

Hero: …No. Stop it.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: This is why we can't have a Sophie section!

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Art asks, "Q for Sophie? Favourite musical, brackets, not Cats?"

Sophie: Mm-hmm.


Hero: And! [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] Mm-hmm?

Hero: And, [mocking voice] what would be your Jellicle name and why?

Sophie: Oh, great questions, Art.

Hero: [sarcastic] Great question, Art.

Sophie: Brilliant questions. So.

Hero: I love how much the word "Jellicle" has featured in my podcast.

Sophie: In terms of favourite musical, it's difficult. One of my favourites, definitely, is Sondheim's Company. I think Sondheim in general is pretty brilliant. I've got to say this quite quietly because my mum is next door and she really hates--

Hero: Will burst into the room.

Sophie: Ooooh. I mean, at least I don't like The Sound of Music. Which, um. She really would disown me, if I ended up liking that musical. So yeah, no, I really love Company. Um, I have a tattoo of a line from it which is really lovely. Of the newer sort of swathe of musicals, I really like the Beetlejuice musical. I think it's a really cool updating of a classic film and story and you know, staying true to it. And I think um, Alex Brightman is just like, what a performer. So good.

Hero: [sarcastically] Gah, right?

Sophie: Just incredible.

Hero: What a guy.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Guy? Boy Alex?

Sophie: I'm not going to tell you!

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Um, and, I got a--you gotta give props to Rocky Horror. Like that was again, that was a family film for me. Like my mum sat me down in front of that as a quite young child and was like, “Learn!”

Hero: Your mum really wanted a gay kid, huh?

Sophie: Really, really did! Yeah no, absolutely.

Hero: [laughing] Really putting in the hours!

Sophie: And she uh, fully succeeded. So good job, Annie.

Hero: Good job.

Sophie: Um, in terms of my Jellicle name... this is a really difficult question, actually.

Hero: [sighs]

Sophie: Um. Just because, a) I don't think you get to choose your Jellicle name? I think--

Hero: [sarcastically] No, that would be silly.

Sophie: Yeah, no, it's just, you know. It's the--it's the name that comes to you. It's kind of like, you know, um, alebrijes, the sort of the--Mexican carvings that are meant to be sort of like an animal that is part of your soul, sort of thing?

Hero: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Sophie: Like, you--you aren't meant to be like, "I'm a wolf!" Like you see the alebrije and it like, calls to you, and--

Hero: And that's the same as having a Jellicle name.

Sophie: Yeah. This--

Hero: Mm-hmm.

Sophie: This lovely Mexican custom is exactly the same as having a Jellicle name! [laughs]

Hero: Well also, also you are like, you are the most Sophie Sophie I've ever known, and--

Sophie: It's true.

Hero: --and the only Sophie I've ever met who really cares about being a Sophie.

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: So I think maybe your Jellicle name is Sophie. And you just bypassed the whole situation, and like on your birth certificate it says like, Fruity Noodle or something. I don't know any Jellicle names, I don't know what a [bleep]-ing Jellicle name sounds like--

Sophie: [disgusted] “Fruity Noodle”. You've got Bombalurina, you've got Jellylorum--

Hero: No, no, no. No, absolutely not!

Sophie: You've got-- [laughs]

Hero: No. You've got Fruity Noodle, and you'll be happy with it! [laughs]

Sophie: You do know Jellicle names. You know Magical Mister Mistoffelees.

Hero: Shut up. Shush. I'm not talking about him. He's a sore point for me. RomanticSlimeCreature: “Does Sophie B know what the Understudy was going to say in response to the accusation of outing the Jellicle cats? The increasing clarity that the Jellicle cats are an in-universe conspiracy theory that the Understudy enjoys is so funny to me.”

Sophie: [laughs] Well, thank you, RomanticSlimeCreature. Do I know what the Understudy was going to say in response to the accusation of outing the Jellicle cats? The Understudy doesn't give a [bleep] about things like that. If you think back to the Understudy's episodes, in--in comparison to the Presenter who is very [affects Presenter voice] measured and-- [regular voice] the Understudy is your problematic fave.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Like, [laughs] that's--that's how I think of her. She's kind of like--again, I've mentioned this before, but there's a podcast I love that I listen to that Hero hates, and really takes the piss out of me for listening to, which is basically two LA girlies chatting about Sex and the City and fashion and celebrity gossip--

Hero: No, they're not! They're not. They just--they--the episode that I overheard, they were just like, [stereotypical LA voice] "Yeah, I went to this wedding, and I wore this dress. Oh my god, I went to this wedding, and I wore this dress, wow. That's really cool, what was the food like? It was pretty good. Oh, amazing." [regular voice] Just for hours! Hours!

Sophie: That conversation lasted for about a single minute, but.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: This is--this is how I feel about the Understudy. Because they quite often, they're just like, "Yeah we're probably--this probably isn't the correct opinion to have, but I don't care." And I'm like, do you know what? I can [bleep] with that. And so, yeah. I think the accusations would fly in, and the Understudy would be like, "What do you want from me? I don't get paid to do this." [laughs]

Hero: [laughs] The Presenter's like, [Presenter voice] they very much do get paid to do that.

Sophie: [Presenter voice] We do pay people.

Hero: [Presenter voice] We're all very sorry. [both laugh]

Sophie: So, yeah. So I think, um, I think she would think that if you are a Jellicle, you have a responsibility to come out and say you're a Jellicle.

Hero: Problematic. [laughs] This question has gone into the Sophie segment because of who you are as a person.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: On a molecular level.

Sophie: Yes.

Hero: Alex said, "What was the in-universe reaction to ON AIR KISS! AHHHH!!! YES!!!! LET'S GO LESBIANS! Love heart, love heart, love heart, glittery love heart, glittery love heart." And I put it into your section 'cause you love RPF. [laughs]

Sophie: Okay. I--I'm. I would like--

Hero: Because you're a PERVERT and a FREAK! [laughs]

Sophie: I--I enjoy RPF in very specific circumstances, okay? So we talked a little bit last Q&A about people shippin' Mab and the Presenter in kind of--'cause obviously there was some little tension-y tension-y bits at the end of season two that were little hints towards where we're going. So last time, I said that I think at that point, there would've been a very niche little group of fans who were like. "Hey, uhhh. Did you…?" And it's kind of cute, I think, just in a wider scale to imagine like, creatures at like. Two A.M. texting each other like, "OMG, did you hear what they just said to each other?"

Hero: "Oh my god, another pot plant? Just propose already!"

Sophie: [laughs] Yeah, exactly.

Hero: [Mab voice] "Did you go to Madagascar?" [Presenter voice] "I went to the plant shop." [high-pitched] Ahhhh!

Sophie: Just like, a Discord group--

Hero: Just kiss!

Sophie: --but it's like. "Chaise longue mention. CHAISE LONGUE MENTION!" [laughs]

Hero: [laughs] Chaise lounge in the chat! Chaise longue in the chat!

Sophie: [laughs] They have a chaise longue emoji.

Hero: Oh, they do. A canonically hideous chaise longue, I should say.

Sophie: I think... for the majority of the Nightfolk Network listeners, they will have probably been annoyed to have been hearing kissing on air because we've discussed, having to listen to kissing--

Hero: It's yucky.

Sophie: Not that nice! Not that nice. But for those like--and I think the following would've grown since we last talked about this, I think. People would've gotten their friends in to it. I know that when I ventured into the sinful world of RPF--

Hero: [giggles]

Sophie: --I initially did it as a joke. [laughs] And like so many things--

Hero: It's amazing how many things start like that, isn't it?

Sophie: And I remember the day I was sat on my bed with two of my friends, and we were all sat reading different things next to each other, and I'd read this one thing that I'd--and again, was started as a joke and then ended up being very much not a joke, and I was being very emotionally affected by it--

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: But we'd all had discussions before as friends about like, "I would never--I would never, no, not in a million years."

Hero: "Blegh, yucko, not for me!"

Sophie: And I remember just sitting there, and then finally going, "I've been reading this thing, and I need to send it to you guys because it's really good!" And then we spent the next several hours sat next to each other, all just reading as much of this pairing as we could get our hands--and I just think that's just what would've happened with Mab and the Presenter.

Hero: Yeah. I think--I think also there's like... So, a lot of--not a lot, but like--there's a few letters that reference the thing with Mab and the Presenter.

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: Usually in a kind of, "Your uh, Station Manager, if that's what we're calling it these days?"

Sophie: Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Hero: Wink wink, nudge nudge. And the Presenter's always very like, shut up, shut up, all of you shut up. [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] [Presenter voice] I am not going to dignify that with a response, but also I hate you.

Hero: Uh, I was relistening recently and got to the episode where somebody mentions famous members of the creature community from the UK and Ireland, and uh. And is like, "You were on my list, and by the way, your Wikipedia page is fascinating. Especially the Personal Life section." [both laugh] And the Presenter's like, "Why do I have a Personal Life section!" [laughs]

Sophie: Because you're gay, babe!

Hero: But uh. So I think there's like, I feel like the Presenter and Mab occupy a kind of social strata that is not--I mean Mab's the [bleep]-ing fairy queen, like she's not [bleep]-ing around. Like, she is like. [laughs]

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: She's not small potatoes.

Sophie: No, this is it--I do think that Mab shows up in the magical tabloids all the time.

Hero: Yes, but I think more than that, I think--I think Mab and the Presenter are--they're like--they're known? They're not just a pair of long-lived people, like. They are figures in the creature world. And not in a kind of fly-by-night, Big Brother contestant, like. You know. Pop star, kind of--this is--this is like--like. I'm trying to think of any old people, and I'm just like... Ian McKellen.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: He's the oldest man I know! This is like if Ian McKellen was dating... [long pause] Napoleon.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: [laughs] You'd know about it!

Sophie: Eh. Yeah. You really would.

Hero: You know?! [laughs]

Sophie: You would know about that.

Hero: You would know about it. So I think there's the fun, silly RPF shipping side of it, but then I think there's the--you know, these are like, the stately homos of England. Like, this is like... maybe more like Henry the VIII. And Napoleon. [laughs, long pause] I've--I've completely broken Sophie. [both laugh] There is no response coming! [laughs, pause] Or it's like--if like--if like Gandalf and Elrond hooked up. You know? Like they're not just guys.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: You know. It's not just like Boromir. He's not just a famous guy. These are like, oh you're like, ancient--

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: --celebrities.

Sophie: Well, I also think, obviously, you've got to think about the fact that they were together before, so there's the--the history there, so there'll be people who remember it the first time round.

Hero: Oh, and they are just battening down the hatches.

Sophie: Oh, absolutely. They're like no, absolutely not. I can't do this again. I'm just not strong enough.

Hero: How many times is this now? They're what, they're like four times divorced? Five? [laughs] Like. "I don't think they were ever legally married." And it's like, I don't think that would stop them. They're the most divorced people in the world. [laughs]

Sophie: They are. They absolutely are. So we've now come to a section that you have helpfully labeled as "Misc."

Hero: Misc! I don't know what these are. It's the biggest section.

Sophie: Obviously if you hear your question, you know it's yours, good job, but we might not necessarily say every single name depending on how quick we end up going.

Hero: But we do love you, and you are a part of this relationship.

Sophie: Yes. Mummy and daddy love you very much.

Hero: Which one's which? Are you mummy?

Sophie: Yeah, of course I'm mummy.

Hero: Am I… daddy?

Sophie: Yeah. [pause] You're dad. You're daddy.

Hero: Dad is a very different energy than... daddy. [laughs]

Sophie: I think you could be daddy. I think you could be daddy in a very like Pedro Pascal kind of way.

Hero: I'm quite short, and I only grow hair on one side of my chin.

Sophie: Yeah, but you'll get there.

Hero: [laughs] And the opposite side of my upper lip.

[both laugh for quite some time]

Sophie: It's fine! Don't worry about it. Okay, so the triple threat wants to know, "Do you think a ghost would live in my computer and help me with work if I asked nicely?"

Hero: I think they would, but I don't think you would like to have the kind of ghost that is like, “Now I have left the mortal plane, it's time to rise and grind, baby. Eternal unlife? Time to get to work!” I don't think you--I don't think you want that kind of ghost, babe.

Sophie: You probably could--

Hero: You could--

Sophie:[simultaneously] But you shouldn't.

Hero:[simultaneously] But you shouldn't.

Sophie: Space Modulator [laughs] Sorry, I've just seen that his pronouns are he/him/hungry. Which is--

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Beautiful. 10/10. On their long overdue holiday, what are Mab and the Presenter's favourite breakfasts in bed? [long silence] Are you trying not to say pussy? [both cackle]

Hero: I'm not trying very hard. I think Mab enjoys... pastries. Croissants, coffee. I think the Presenter enjoys... pussy. [laughs]

Sophie: Again, we haven't ever confirmed whether or not the Presenter eats. Uh, but they eat pussy like a madman, so. [laughs]

Hero: Right. Just eat pussy like a champ. [laughs]

Sophie: Brilliant. Excellent.

Hero: I think--I think Mab invented pillow princessing. [laughs]

Sophie: A Witch Named Ed, who has just started a new job, so--

Hero: [gasps]

Sophie: Good luck with the new job.

Hero: Congratulations, A Witch Named Ed. I love that I gasped like I hadn't told you that.

Sophie: [laughs] Patrick Stewart. Acting.

Hero: Yes, Ed should be starting a new job this week, I believe, so. Hello, Ed. Happy job.

Sophie: Happy job. Ed says, bouncing off the absolutely wild inclusion of Saoirse Ronan in the response to one of my submissions, what other celebs from our world do you think would be members of the creature community in the Monstrous Agonies universe?

Hero: I did make Saoirse Ronan a werewolf. I did do that.

Sophie: You've been quite desperate to get the Kardashians in this podcast. [laughs]

Hero: I think they're not, though. I think the Kardashian are just the Kardashians, and the Presenter has been running a gossip segment based on absolute nonsense that Mab has been telling them about the Kardashians. [laughs]

Sophie: Oh my God, I would love that!

Hero: [laughs] And so the Presenter's like, "And apparently, one of these Kardashians has sent another one into the Nether Realm."

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: And Mab's like yeah, that totally happened.

Sophie: That is absolutely something that Kim would do to Kourtney at the minute, I'm just saying.

Hero: Yeah. Okay.

Sophie: After--after the Dolce and Gabbana wedding fallout--

Hero: Isn't one of them called Rob?!

Sophie: [laughs] Yes. But he's--we don't really bother with him.

Hero: Not--not Kieran, not Kyle, not--

Sophie: No.

Hero: Ugh.

Sophie: Don't be ridiculous.

Hero: Oh, that would be ridiculous. So, the answer to Ed's question is, “probably not the Kardashians.”

Sophie: [laughs] Yeah. Um. I think quite a lot of celebrities from our world are creatures in the Monstrous Agonies universe, but it is entirely up to you which one either seems the most likely or is the funniest. The next two questions kind of cover similar-ish topics, so we're going to squidge them together.

Hero: [little voice] Squidge, squidge.

Sophie: Snigepippi...

Hero: [little voice] Snigepippi.

Sophie: Would like to know if people would like to make audio podcast transcripts for other shows on the station, would you prefer they announce it as fanfiction or a spin-off? And then the other question, which is also from A Witch Named Ed With a New Job. Uh. Would you ever consider creating an album of the music segment on the Nightfolk Network? Sort of spoken word, original songs, uh. With sort of fan involvement. So basically kind of, you know, how willing are you for people to get involved in expanding the Monstrous Agonies umbrella with or without your involvement?

Hero: Yes. And I put those two together because the answer is sort of the same. I'm not looking to--to do anything particularly fancy with, you know. I might go back to the universe. That's fun. But I don't have any plans for like, I mean. The idea of like an album of the music segment of the Nightfolk Network sounds amazing. I'm not going to do it. Um.

Sophie: [laughs

Hero: So this is more just a sort of opportunity just to say that like, it's out there now! You can do what you want with it, pals! Like, go--go wild. Um. Whether you prefer to announce it as fanfic or a spin-off is actually quite a boring licensing answer? So if it's a spin-off, then you'll have to deal with the Creative Commons license and the--the nuts and bolts of that, and all of that kind of stuff. Whereas if it's fanfiction, it can just be fanfic. And it can just be a fun thing that you've put out there. In both cases, you can't make any money off it. That's the main thing. You can't do it for commercial purposes. But yeah, uh. So I'm--I'm not going to do any of these fancy and exciting things. If you want to do a fancy and exciting thing, I encourage you wholeheartedly to do that. And the way that you present that is up to you, but does involve different things depending on the decision that you make.

Sophie: And I think, the main thing as well is like. Your ask box is always open, so if someone is making and they're not sure, they can always just pop in and go, "Hey Hero."

Hero: Send me an email. Drop me a line.

Sophie: "I did this thing--is this... what is it?" Uhhh, yeah. Amazing. And also sort of talking about people who maybe are going to go off and write their own spin-offs based on something, dropped in or what not, um, Pookiethebloodsucker asks, uh, what's been your favourite fan theory you've seen hovering around, sort of online, about--about the show or anything like that? Has anybody come up with anything wild and wonderful?

Hero: I haven't seen anything!

Sophie: Oh, wow. Disappointing fans.

Hero: Get on it, fandom! [stumbles over consonants]

Sophie: I would possibly count the differing fanart presentations of the Presenter looks, possibly, as a sort of fan theorizing. 'Cause--

Hero: They're all very good.

Sophie: --they're all very good, and that's--and they can all be true all at once. Isn't that wonderful?

Hero: Mm-hmm.

Sophie: So yeah. But yeah, no, I haven't seen it. I think again, it's kind of that interesting thing where because this wasn't necessarily a really plot-heavy show, it doesn't really lend itself to that sort of theorizing. I think your future projects absolutely will, but this kind of--it was sort of what you see is what you get.

Hero: Yeah, that kind of fan activity usually takes place in a certain space that is left by certain types of canon, and Monstrous Agonies, you know, it's not really a fan theory to be like, "Oh, I think there's probably a music segment on the Station." Like, that's just a... cool thing that you can think about. [laughs] You know? That's fine, that's not, you know. Um. I suppose there's been a little bit of chat about how old is the Presenter, and what's their relationship with Station and--and how does that whole thing work, um. But I think most of what I've seen is people going, isn't that weird, huh?

Sophie: Yeah. [laughs]

Hero: You know? [laughs] They're like, did they say the Holy Roman Empire? That doesn't seem like when radio was a thing. And I'm like, oooh. [unintelligible noises].

Sophie: Oooh [unintelligible noises].

Hero: Really really weird, huh? [laughs]

Sophie: Yeah. I think--I think you kind of, you purposefully didn't write it as if the show had some central mystery that needed solving, and therefore it--it just didn't really come up, did it? It just wasn't really a thing.

Hero: I remember a really early, I think it was a review. Maybe it was just someone recommending it. But they were like, if you need a break from all of your red string theory podcasts--

Sophie: [laughs] No, totally, totally.

Hero: You know. You just want to listen to something that is what it is. And you just take it at that.

Sophie: This is what it is. Beautiful.

Hero: This is what it is.

Sophie: Beautiful. Okay. So a total diversion from questions about the podcast. Beth wants to know, [bleep] marry kill – or snog marry avoid, if you prefer, you are, after all, a Quaker--

Hero: We used to play kiss, cuddle, kick in the shins at the Peace Center. [laughs] 'Cause avoid just isn't quite...

Sophie: It's not the same, is it?

Hero: I'm like, I don't want to avoid him. I don't want to kill him. But I do want to kick him in the shins. [laughs]

Sophie: So kiss, cuddle, kick in the shin, werewolves, vampires, demons.

Hero: I'm going to shock nobody by saying I'm gonna kiss a demon, I'm gonna cuddle a werewolf, and I'm gonna kick a vampire in the shins.

Sophie: Yep.

Hero: And you can match that up with the--any version of that question you'd like and it going to be the same. [laughs]

Sophie: Yeah. I mean, I probably completely would agree with you there, just to be really, really boring about it. Like, obviously you want to cuddle a werewolf. Obviously.

Hero: Yeah! Yeah!

Sophie: Vampires are not going to be a good for a cuddle, like. It's just--it's gonna be cold.

Hero: Room temperature.

Sophie: Yeah, at best.

Hero: At best.

Sophie: Demon...

Hero: They can do really weird things with their tongue. [laughs]

Sophie: Yeah. But I also think I would accept--I think a demon would do a really good flourish like, little kiss on the hand.

Hero: Oh yeah.

Sophie: Possibly to seal a bargain or something, that would be nice. And then--

Hero: Yeah, absolutely.

Sophie: Yeah. I think a vampire... I think they've probably done something to deserve being kicked in the shin, at least a little bit.

Hero: Also I think, I think the vampire would be the funniest when upset. 'Cause it's just a guy.

Sophie: It's just a guy.

Hero: They're just like, hey! Like yeah, what are you going to do? Bite me about it?

Sophie: [laughs] So some rapid-fire questions from our pal Art. They want to know, if you were stuck on endless train journey, how long would it take you to go insane?

Hero: I wouldn't. Skill issue.

Sophie: [laughs] Skill issue?

Hero: Yeah. I'd be fine. I love trains,

Sophie: Yeah, same.

Hero: I love to be going places. I like moving from A to B.

Sophie: Mm-hmm.

Hero: It's good.

Sophie: Yeah, I really like being on trains. Art, I would recommend next time you're stuck in this situation, get a little first class upgrade.

Hero: Have you tried just having money about it, Art? [laughs]

Sophie: Yeah, just stop being poor. [both laugh] Uh. Do you know that that Paris Hilton shirt didn't say that?

Hero: I don't know what you're talking about.

Sophie: Okay, let's move on.

Hero: I didn't understand that that was a reference. [laughs]

Sophie: Did you watch Barbie (2023) and what did you think of Barbie (2023)--

Hero: No! Nothing.

Sophie: I did. I loved it. This is rapid-fire so unfortunately I can't get into--we don't have time. Plus also if we did, it would be a full other podcast episode, but suffice to say I loved it very much. I cried a lot, I laughed a lot. Uh. Perfect. Amazing. 10/10. No notes. “If you were in a The Thing (1982) situation, would you survive?”

Hero: I ran this past my partner because it's one of his favourite movies. And I was like, I think I'd be fine, and he was like, "Huh. That's.. a take." But I do because I think I--I would know those men by the time the alien showed up, and I would be able to tell.

Sophie: Biblically know them. Wheyyyy!

Hero: Also I definitely believe that I would have survived the Franklin Expedition, so I think asking me would I survive in the Arctic alone with some hairy men, I'm like, yeah.

Sophie: Yeah.

Hero: Yeah. I'd be fine.

Sophie: Uh, I would not survive. I'm fine with this. “If you were in an Alien (1979) situation, who would you rather [bleep]? Sigourney Weaver's character or the Xenomorph?” Why is Xenomorph named but not Sigourney Weaver's character?

Hero: I don't know. You'd have to ask Art. Because Art's a misogynist. Cancelled!

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Say. Her. Name. It's Ripley! Yeah, absolutely the Xenomorph. 100%.

Hero: Yeah.

Sophie: Art, you know that this is a show for monster-[bleep]-ers, right? [laughs] Like.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Alex wants to know what is the Presenter's favourite mode of transport? And also what is Mab's favourite mode of transport?

Hero: Train. Easy.

Sophie: Both train?

Hero: Both train, for different reasons. The Presenter's reasons are autistic.

Sophie: [laughs] Perfect. And Mab's reasons?

Hero: Uh, she likes to go on the murder train.

Sophie: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Hero: She feels deep kinship with the murder train. I should've said, one of the questions earlier was uh, what was one of your favourite letters to perform? Murder train has to be up there. I loved being that murder train. I think I should be allowed to do murders.

Sophie: Just a little one.

Hero: Just a little--I'm such a good Quaker otherwise.

Sophie: Yeah! Should be your little reward.

Hero: Yeah.

Sophie: That would be--that would be--that could be like, the next great sort of speculative like, slightly dark fiction where it's like--

Hero: Yeahhh.

Sophie: --every five years, the best Quakers get to do a murder.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: And you spend those five years planning who you're going to get to do the murder on.

Hero: Mm-hmm.

Sophie: Let's write it. Banger of a TV series.

Hero: You don't get a lot of Quaker bangers, do you?

Sophie: No, no.

Hero: Hozier. Tell you what, Hozier's doing a lot of heavy lifting for the Quaker banger selection. [laughs]

Sophie: All of these following questions are from Alex, so let's go.

Hero: Whoo!

Sophie: Let's get on with them.

Hero: Let's go, lesbians!

Sophie: In the Monstrous Agonies universe, how are investigations conducted when fingerprints of transformative genuses can change at will?

Hero: Write a fic about it.

Sophie: If creatures such as dragon, wyverns, and Pegasus exist, how is airspace regulated? Are airports forced to shut down because of a migration of harpies?

Hero: Write a fic about it.

Sophie: What places, other than Berlin, are Mab and the Presenter going to go to?

Hero: Florence. And, write a fic about it.

Sophie: What would happen if someone sent a cursed chain mail to an immortal? Or more importantly, to Station?

Hero: Oooh. Write a scary fic about it.

Sophie: What would happen if a hive mind fell in love with a person?

Hero: Gestalt bee consciousness!

Sophie: Is What We Do in the Shadows a documentary or mockumentary in the Monstrous Agonies universe?

Hero: It's incredibly offensive. It's deeply offensive. Everyone was super upset about it!

Sophie: Can't believe they were doing fangface.

Hero: I can't believe they were doing fangface on television.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Absolutely disgusting. Heinous. Yucko.

Sophie: Yep, so it's a mockumentary, but it's in very poor taste.

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: Except for Matt Berry who is the only vampire hired on the entire cast.

Hero: Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

Sophie: Yan Caltrop--

Hero: Or Jan Caltrop.

Sophie: Or Jan Cantrop--Jan. Jan. John.

Hero: Ca--Ga--Gan-- [laughs] Samwise Gamgee and Janwise Cantrip.

Sophie: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt.

Hero: I don't know what that is.

Sophie: His name is my name too!

Hero: Okay.

Sophie: Jan Caltrop says, tell us about some cats that you know.

Hero: There is a cat who lives not very far away from me who is a little fat round boy, and as soon as he sees anybody coming, he trots out and he runs over with his tail in the air going meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow-meow and he flops down with his fluffy little tummy up because he is a little tart!

Sophie: Ohhh.

Hero: And of course, you stop and you stroke it and then invariably, someone's like, "Oh, he does that to everyone." And you're like, yes!

Sophie: Yeah?

Hero: Wouldn't you?

Sophie: Absolutely. Just stop trying to slut shame this beautiful baby.

Hero: He's just a tarty little boy, and I love him. He's shaped a little bit like a cartoon bomb. [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] The cat that I know best is a special little lady by the name of Special Agent Dale Cooper who is my cousin's cat, but I lived with my cousin for several years, and so know her very intimately. She's wonderful. And when she goes outside, she will come back in the house at about six in the morning screaming the house down--

Hero: [laughs]

Sophie: --to let you know that she has arrived.

Hero: [singing] She's hoooome!

Sophie: Yeah, you have to wake up and go, yes, welcome home, good job, good job, come and lie down for a bit. And then she'll come and curl up and be very cute. And the other morning, 'cause I was staying at his for an evening, we both woke up in the morning after hearing her do her “meow meow meow meow meow!” and Matthew, my cousin, went out into the hall and went, "Oh, she's brought us a present." And I went, oh god. Like what's she brought in, you know. Thinking mouse or bird or whatever. And he went, "It's--it's a chicken nugget." [both laugh] She'd-- She'd somewhere--

Hero: That's so considerate of her!

Sophie: So lovely, and like. You know. She hadn't even tried to eat it. She'd brought it back whole for us.

Hero: For you!

Sophie: There are just--the thing--the thing about cats is, there are so many of them and pretty much all of them are absolutely brilliant.

Hero: They're really good. Big cat fan.

Sophie: I'm never upset to see a cat.

Hero: There's an absolute massive one around the corner from us who's this huge ginger boy. He's like--he's a bit like my boyfriend in that he's, uh, if you see him out of context, he looks normal sized. And then you put him around regular-sized people and he looks like an optical illusion. [both laugh] And this cat, you keep getting closer and closer to this cat, and you think "He must be--I must be nearly at the cat because it's huge," and you just keep walking and it never gets any closer. It just gets bigger and bigger and bigger. It's like Mount Doom.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: It's phenomenal. And then you finally get there, and you realize you--you--it's the size of a Mini Cooper. [laughs] Like, it's just--

Sophie: Perfect.

Hero: Phenomenal.

Sophie: Ugh.

Hero: Big fan.

Sophie: Excellent.

Hero: Yeah.

Sophie: Excellent. That brings us to the end of our rapid fire round, and um. This means we're almost at the end of the Q&A.

Hero: And the end of Monstrous Agonies.

Sophie: End of Monstrous Agonies all over again, babe.

Hero: The end of the world as we know it.

Sophie: Here we go. This is it.

Hero: And I feel… spaghetti.

Sophie: Spaghetti compass inside of that chest, just noodling around.

Hero: [makes noodle noises]

Sophie: So, Chalkless wants to know, do you actually plan on doing anymore like Monstrous Agonies bonus content or maybe a holiday special?

Hero: It definitely won't be a holiday special, 'cause I don't really like them. [both laugh] Um, I don't have any plans to, but I also don't have any plans not to. I mean, it's right there, you know? The universe is just sitting there. It's--it would be so easy to dip into and do some extra stuff if the spirit moved me. Um. It isn't moving me at the minute, but we'll see. I'm not ruling it out.

Sophie: Alex wants to know, and I think quite a lot of people would want to know this, are you going to keep up the Monstrous Agonies Tumblr?

Hero: Yes. Stay on the Monstrous Agonies social media. Um. I will be updating them with um, other announcements and things, uh, going forwards. So I'm not--I'm not abandoning the MA Tumblr or the MA Twitter. So just stick around and uh, yes. Yes. It will. It will continue! It will!

Sophie: Now usually this is the bit where the question's like, "When's the next season going to start?" But uh. It's not.

Hero: Yeah.

Sophie: It's not. But instead of that, Graverobinn and Ella and, I'm sure, pretty much everyone who's listening--

Hero: Countless millions.

Sophie: If they have kept listening up until this point, they're probably going to want to know: what's next? What're you working on? What have you got lined up?

Hero: What's going on? I wake up in the morning, and I say, what's going on? That's a song, isn't it?

Sophie: Ehhh, it's kind of--

Hero: What's--[laughs]

Sophie: It's almost the song. [laughs] It's not quite the song, but yeah, you're almost there. Yeah.

Hero: He goes outside and takes a deep breath.

Sophie: Does he? Does he do that?

Hero: Yeah, He-Man. [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] I stand wildly corrected.

Hero: [laughs] What's next. Um. I have one very, very tangible and exciting thing that I can tell you. A new podcast will be launching on... November the 2nd? Probably.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Um, that's what we're aiming at. That's the date that is on the spreadsheet. It's in the calendars. It will be of a similar size to Monstrous Agonies. As in, single-voice. (Mine). Fairly short episodes, um. I'm not going to give too much away, but that is the really tangible thing that is coming up. Like I said, stick around on Monstrous Agonies social media. I will be making so much noise about it. You won't miss it. I promise.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Yeah, so that's the--that's the next one that I know is coming in a very definite way. [sighs] Um, and then I'm also working on a full cast audio drama. I've just started the third draft, I think? Um, sort of licking it into shape. And that is a bit more nebulous because it is such a bigger project.

Sophie: Yes, I think--I think--don't anybody hold their breath waiting for that one. It is coming, but it's probably at least another year I would say?

Hero: Yeah.

Sophie: At least?

Hero: Yeah, realistically.

Sophie: But it's--it's very good, and you're going to be very excited about it.

Hero: It's very good.

Sophie: It's multi-season as well, so--[simultaneously] Ooh-ooh!

Hero: [simultaneously] Ooh-ooh! And there's a plan! For most of it.

Sophie: It's going to pretty much all be done by the time you hear it. Isn't that exciting?

Hero: Right?! Yeah, so that's--that's the--the main two, really. There are a couple of other things noodling around in my head that I think will be really cool, but they're not in any--any shape to be spoken of in polite company. So keep an eye out, and I'm not actually being murdered at the end of this... episode?

[long silence]

Hero: I hope? Sophie's looking very enigmatic about that! [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] No.

Hero: That's alarming!

Sophie: No, no, no, no. I'm not gonna--

Hero: I thought that was an easy joke, but no!

Sophie: I'm not going to murder you, but guess what? I'm going to be really sincere with you.

Hero: Oh, no, don't, noooo.

Sophie: I am.

Hero: Ohh, I'm so sweaty.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Sophie, I've been sitting here so long, I'm so sweaty.

Sophie: Just, look. Shut up for a second.

Hero: Too sweaty for sincerityyyy.

Sophie: You can be sweaty and bask in the sincerity.

Hero: I don't think I'm gonna bask.

Sophie: I think I speak for everybody when I say how proud I am of you. And how really, on a very personal level, like I'm so grateful to have been involved in this with you, and I hope that um. I know that the listeners feel the same way, and those people who got to be part of it, what a cool thing. And yeah. I just think you're brilliant, and I'm really excited to follow along and edit all of your insane mistakes out. [laughs]

Hero: [sighs] God. The one I sent you where you were like, this is bad. This is bad.

Sophie: Yeahhh. It was bad. And um, I look forward to many more panicked phone calls from you in the future of, “Sophie, what am I doing?”

Hero: Yep.

Sophie: Sophie, what does it meeean?

Hero: What does it meeean?

Sophie: What is the plot, Sophiiiiie?

Hero: Sophiiiiie.

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: Thank you. That was, uh, agonizing, appropriately.

Sophie: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Ha ha ha.

Hero: That's my monstrous agony, is being told to my face that people are proud of me and that I did well. Now I'm like. Aww. Shucks. Thanks.

Sophie: Whereas I'm normal about everything.

Hero: You're normal about everything, famously.

Sophie: I've never been abnormal in my life. Not once.

Hero: Never.

Sophie: And... that's it.

Hero: Um, yeah. I feel like I should make a big speech.

Sophie: [low voice] Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

Hero: Like, ooh. Thanks, everyone. [both laugh] That's it, that's the speech.

Sophie: Do you--that's it. Thanks, everyone.

Hero: Yeah, thanks, everyone. It was good, wasn't it? [laughs]

Sophie: Say--in the Presenter voice say, "I eat pussy like a madman."

Hero: [Presenter voice] "Listener, have you considered eating pussy like a champ?"

Sophie: [laughs]

Hero: [Presenter voice] "I've been practicing it every morning since the year dot, and I have to say: it's certainly agrees with me." [laughs]

Sophie: [laughs] There you go, everyone. There's your new ringtone. Enjoy.

[Title music fades in: slow, bluesy jazz. It plays throughout the closing credits.]

H.R. Owen

That brings us to the end of Part Two of the Q&A. Thanks again to Sophie B. for joining me, and a very special thank you to our beautiful volunteer, Rachel, who produced the transcript.

Hello and welcome to our latest supporter on Patreon, Shahn. If you're able, please consider joining them with a monthly pledge at or making a one-off donation at

You can also support the show by sharing with your friends and familiars and following us on Tumblr @MonstrousAgonies and on Twitter @Monstrous_Pod.

This podcast is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. The theme tune is Dakota by Unheard Music Concepts.

Thanks for listening, and remember – the real monsters are the friends we made on the way.

[Fade to silence]


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