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Monstrous Agonies – Episode 57 Trailer
[The sound of a radio being tuned. It scrolls past a voice saying “-strange-”, dance music, a voice saying “-never see the light of day-”, pop music, and a voice saying “-blood-” before cutting out when it reaches the correct station.]
The Presenter
Next on the Nightfolk Network, we take some time to relax and unwind in our ever-popular chill-out hour. This week we have a special treat for you all - 60 minutes of uninterrupted ambient sound recorded live, 3,000 metres below the surface of the sea. Take a deep breath and let’s descend...
[Pause.]
Alright. That should do it.
[A door opens.]
Mab
[sarcastic] Mmm, uninterrupted sea floor sounds. I’m almost sorry to miss it.
The Presenter
[not sarcastic at all] No, I know. It’s a real pity. But we need to get this sorted before the live call-in next week.
Mab
Aw, darling - are you nervous?
The Presenter
No.
Mab
Don’t pout. It doesn’t suit you.
The Presenter
I’m not pouting. I’m... concentrating. Look, just help me test the phone line, will you?
Mab
If only you had any other friends, you could have asked one of them to phone in for you while I manned the airwaves.
The Presenter
Not “other”.
Mab
What?
The Presenter
You said if I have “any other friends”. I have friends. “Other” implies that you are among them.
Mab
Well. That’s me told.
The Presenter
Would you just dial the number, please? I want to be sure this works--
[A dial tone. It continues in the background over the dialogue. Pause.]
Is that... you?
Mab
Yes, I’m working the telephone with my magical mystical mind powers.
The Presenter
...really?
Mab
No!
The Presenter
Then who is it?
Mab
Gosh, if only there were some way to find out.
[The tone cuts out. Beat.]
The Presenter
...hello?
The Understudy
[with background splashes] Hi, guys! So, story time. There I was, tub full of bubbles, wine and snacks to hand, ready for an evening of relaxation with my favourite deep sea ambience when instead of the sound of goblin sharks and creepy starfish wafting by on the ocean currents, I hear you two... Now, what would we be calling that? Flirting? Fighting?
Mab
Mm. Bit of both.
The Presenter
We’re on the air?
The Understudy
Loud and clear, baby. Still are. Hello, adoring public.
[Mab laughs]
The Presenter
Oh my God--
Mab
Oops! Oh, God, are you blushing? Too cute!
The Presenter
I-- I’m so sorry, listeners, I’ll just-- Thank you for telling me!
The Understudy
What are friends for? Ta-ra - and good luck next week.
[She hangs up, leaving a dial tone which then cuts out. Fumbling noises in the background.]
The Presenter
See? Friends.
Mab
Oh yes? What’s her first name? [tuts] Let me. You’re all fingers and thumbs when you’re nervous.
[Typing sounds]
The Presenter
I’m not nervous! I’m just... I just want it to go well.
Mab
And it will. And if it doesn’t, we’ll come up with something else. You keep forgetting - you’ve got me on your side now
The Presenter
[laughs] Is that what you call it?
Mab
Yes. It is.
[A dial tone that cuts out as the call is picked up]
The Presenter
Hello?
The Understudy
Get off the air and give me my goblin sharks! [indignant splashing] GOBLIN SHARKS! GOBLIN SHARKS! GOBLIN SHA--
[She is cut off. Over the dial tone, the sound of typing, quickly replaced by the hum of deep sea ambience.
The sound fades into the title music: slow, bluesy jazz. It plays throughout the closing credits.]
H.R. Owen
Coming soon: a very special episode of Monstrous Agonies, featuring twice the agonies, and six times the usual number of voices. With guest appearances from Matty OK Smith, Naomi Clarke, William A. Wellman, Jonathan Tilley, and Elizabeth Plant, and writing from Matty, Naomi, William and May Toudic, you're in for something rather special. Tune in on Thursday 10th February, 4.00PM GMT, at monstrousagonies.co.uk or wherever you get your podcasts.
[Fade to silence.]
--END TRANSCRIPT--